


Overcoming Ostracism

by Ollie_Mor



Series: On the Borderline [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Episode: Fitting In (Hogwarts Houses!), Gen, Overthinking, author overuses troubling metaphors, don't actually kick the snake, he's doing his best, it may be overwhelming to read I dunno, kick the snake, the second chapter is so long that the software I was using while writing it was lagging, why do neither of those have a tag, you can tell it's 4:52 AM as I add these because I'm doing a terrible job
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:02:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25207408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ollie_Mor/pseuds/Ollie_Mor
Summary: "Virgil once felt outcasted from the group? My, how... dreadful... that must've been."
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Thomas Sanders
Series: On the Borderline [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1813171
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fitting In (Hogwarts Houses!) Redux: same episode, but now with underlying platonic tension between Janus and Virgil.  
> Probably won't make sense without having read at least Adrenaline Withdrawal.  
> Bold+italicized words are pathological lies and/or very aggressive sarcasm. Unbold italics are just for emphasis.

It was less than two months after Virgil's little disappearing act when Janus found his rest being rudely disturbed by frantic banging on his door. He grunted, rolling over in his bed. " ** _Do_** come in," he lied, muffled by his pillow, "I simply **_adore_** visitors." Shortly after, the knocking stopped, and the snake hummed, curling further in around himself. He wasn't needed at this time; he was sure of that.

Just then, his covers were ripped from his body, and the cold seeped into his bones. He jolted up, fully alert and ready to go into a blind panic if so needed. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and squinted at the figure that so rudely disrupted his rest.

Virgil stood at the foot of his bed, holding the sheets above his head with an enraged expression painting his face. "Wake up, asshole! You have explaining to do!"

The snake blinked. Oh. Janus was going to _kill_ him. With a snap, the liar was dressed and standing, towering over the slouching side. He glowered down at the intruder. "How did you get in here, Virgil?"

Despite Janus' potent rage, the emo did not back down and instead glared back. "I guess you must've let your guard down. Might wanna get your locks checked," he taunted, pointing a thumb at the entrance.

The serpentine side glanced over at the door to his room and swore under his breath. Since when did his door have a knob? Turning his attention back to the emo, he huffed. "Unless it is a life or death situation, I don't want to hear it. The **_first_** thing I'd like to do this morning is to help you and your insane little posse of clowns."

Virgil made a strange face at the covert music reference and pointed to the snake's shirt collar. "Bold of you to assume I'd ask for your help when you can't even get dressed."

Janus looked down and swore before buttoning his top buttons. "Oh, _haha,_ Virgil. Holding up the title of clown nicely."

"And it looks like _you've_ been holding up shittily."

"I'm **_not_** going through the motions," he hissed, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt. "You **_can_** blame me for wanting rest after the last time we spoke. I'm still recovering from that train wreck."

Virgil scoffed. " _Last time_ was in July."

"As I said, _still recovering._ The experience was appalling, not to mention the many nightmares that followed," the liar embellished.

The anxious side's irritated expression sobered into one of concern. "Nightmares? What about? How bad have they been?"

Janus raised an eyebrow at the change of attitude before grinning. " ** _Oh, they are haunting. With your silly acceptance party, the fear of being emphatically received by the group looms over me each night._** Imagine a party with dresses and cake and singing and dancing... and _cake._ "

Virgil's characteristic grimace was back with full force, prompting Janus to laugh. "You're an asshole."

"Thank you, I try."

The corners of the emo's mouth quirked up for a moment before setting in a frown. "Listen, I came here for something important."

Janus frowned; his pleasant mood dashed by the black-clad side's reminder. "Oh, did you? Here for another round then? Going to stab me in the back again? **_Please do,_** I **_love_** cleaning the bloodstains from the carpet." 

"You don't have a carpet."

"Neither do I have fucks to give." Scowling, he stalked over towards a rack where his trenchcoat hung. "This is an absolute breach of privacy," he growled, pulling on the garment, "and you have no right to step foot in this room after last time-"

"Get over it and explain yourself!"

Janus paused while putting his mask on. "What **_don't_** I have to explain?"

Virgil scoffed. "Where's your mirror?"

The snake raised an eyebrow. "You broke into my room to check your eyeshadow?"

The black-clad side sputtered. "No! Just show me where it is."

The duplicitous side rolled his eyes, conjuring a hand mirror and tossing it over. "There."

Virgil fumbled with it for a moment before pointing it Janus' way. "Look."

He raised an eyebrow at the emo before hunching down to get his head in view. Oh. The snake smirked at his reflection, admiring the new hue that tinted his locks. He combed through it with his hand, fixing his bedhead.

"No, no, wipe that dumb grin off your face, this is a bad thing."

The liar's smile only flickered away for a second before turning into a self-satisfied simper. "Oh, _Virgil,_ " he purred, "I see no issue with a little... self-expression. Isn't that the theme of all that loud music you listen to?"

"You listen to the same music, dipsh-"

"-Shouldn't you be watching your language nowadays?" The snake teased. "You wouldn't want Papa Patton to hear, now would you?"

The emo glowered at that. 

"Anyway, it definitely is a lovely shade of blue," Janus mused, testing the waters.

Virgil scrunched his nose. "Blue? It's purple, like... almost pink purple."

Janus hummed at the correction. "That's what I said."

The emo rolled his eyes. Seeing the anxious side's signature disgruntled expression made the snake notice something different about his appearance. He had his hood up and- "Did you... push back your bangs?"

The side under scrutiny glared, hands shooting up to tug his hood further down his face. However, he wasn't quick enough on the uptake, and one of Janus' extra arms pulled the hood back. "You _did!_ " The liar went into hysterics at the sight of Virgil without his hair obscuring his face. 

"I get it!" Virgil shouted. "The colour looks ridiculous! Will you just shut up?!"

"No, no, no, _Virgil!_ " Janus exclaimed mirthfully. "The colour is not the issue. In fact, that lovely mulberry hue is quite becoming on you." He leaned in with a wolfish grin, not noticing how the emo's face coloured. With a gloved hand, he ruffled the other side's haphazardly brushed-back hair. He pulled away just as Virgil was about to grab his wrist. "Much better," he said, smugly simpering.

"You're a prick," the anxious side grunted, prompting the liar to laugh again. "But seriously, _purple?_ "

The serpentine side shrugged. "You wouldn't have Thomas dying his hair teal, would you?"

"What?" Janus gave Virgil an expectant look, to which he huffed, " _No_ , I wouldn't _,_ why would teal be the only other option?"

"Because purple and teal are the most popular colours to impulsively dye your hair, every middle schooler trying to look like an individual is doing it these days," the snake answered. "You should try it," he added on with a smirk.

Virgil scowled. "I didn't have a choice," he growled, pointing at his plum-coloured locks.

Janus chuckled.

"Listen, Thomas is an _adult_ , not some _kid-_ "

"Even more reason to not stress him out about it," the snake interjected. "He's a grown man, Virgil. He didn't need to go to mommy and daddy for permission, and he certainly doesn't need ours, especially not after the fact."

"It's not a matter of having my _permission,_ he isn't limited by me not giving _permission_ , especially not when it's a decision that _you_ forced upon him."

Janus had to laugh at that. " _I_ forced upon him the idea to dye his hair?"

The black-clad side shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much."

At the nonchalant response, the snake felt a rush of anger fill his head, which he covered up with a wonder-filled voice and a forced grin. "I find it _fascinating_ how often you conveniently forget that, unlike your _happy little family,_ I cannot force Thomas into anything he isn't comfortable with."

"Well, if he were comfortable, I wouldn't be here."

"That **_is_** how Thomas works, honey, **_totally,_** " Janus snarked. "It's **_not_** like you're instinctual."

"Well, I show up, and I make him worry, so I don't see how you're incapable of forcing things on him. Since when has he ever wanted to lie?" The duplicitous side's expression hardened, and Virgil froze. The emo mentally prepared himself for whatever biting remark the snake had to throw back at him. The way Janus looked down at him made him feel he was being boxed into a corner.

Instead of tearing him apart, the liar settled for a fierce glare and a minor dig: "One would think you'd be less ignorant in matters concerning deception... you know, as a side that has handled Thomas' lies _voluntarily._ "

Virgil at least had the decency to look ashamed. The snake's glare softened, though the anxious side wouldn't have noticed, as he kept his gaze trained on the floor.

Sighing, the snake addressed the other with a more neutral voice: "Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, Virgil. If you see fit to villainize me, be sure that you can take what you dish out."

Just then, Virgil flinched, and his expression soured, though Janus could tell that it wasn't his words that caused the reaction.

Recognizing the look on his face, the liar backed off. "Looks like the others **_don't_** expect you, **_it's best to keep them waiting._** "

"Yeah... sure..." With that, the black-clad side sunk out.

The serpentine side stared at the space Virgil stood like one might stare at a spider from across the room. Returning to and sinking onto his bed, he felt the energy seep from his body. Janus watched that same spot for what felt like thirty but was most likely three minutes. Then, when he was absolutely sure that the anxious side wasn't coming back, he let his posture fall and his shoulders slump forward. The liar dragged a hand over the unmasked portion of his face and sighed. Looking down, he saw that he only wore his left glove. With a snap, his right hand and subsequentially any of his other ungloved hands were clad in black gloves. Better, and though keeping his gloves on in front of Virgil was not the greatest of his concerns... he may have had a point... about Janus not being as put together. With not much else to do in the emo's absence, the duplicitous side stared down at his hands as he traced the gold trim of his trenchcoat. 

He didn't remember how he found the coat or when he decided to put it on. He didn't remember the moment the mask that hid his scales ceased being a costume and became an article he wore even alone... Becoming a slave to habit was unwise to do. 

He lifted the hand mirror at his side, bringing it up to check his reflection once more. He always did like purple, though there was not much he could do about the shade, one that clashed terribly with his gaudy golden mask.

"Perhaps, it's time for a switch," the liar mused, standing up and stepping towards his wardrobe.


	2. Chapter 2

"Anyway, where’s Virgil? I wanna see what good ole _Panic! At The Everywhere_ has to say about this."

Patton gasped and cheered: "Yes!"

Thomas chuckled. "Oh, yeah. He definitely does have something to say." He continued in a little baby voice: "Virgil, you wanna come out? Come out this way and see what people think of the hair?"

Virgil appeared, groaning.

"Yas boi! Get it!"

"Yes!" Patton cheered, snapping

"Hey, _dude..._ " The man grimaced, flustered by his own awkwardness. "...that's, I don't know why I said that... what do you- what do you have to say?"

"Look, you know me by now, you know I'm gonna have some concerns."

"And that's okay, what's up?"

Virgil bit his lip, being told that it's okay just barely took the pressure off his mind. "It's just, you don't know what people are thinking- _or saying-_ about it."

"Yeah, I will always have that little bit of nervousness about what people think of my appearance, coloured hair or not. But, honestly, I'm happy with the changeup."

"If you're looking for a reason, Logan, it makes Thomas happy! And isn't good mental health an important reason?"

Logan inhaled deeply before conceding: " _Yeah._ "

Virgil glanced over at the logical side, comforted by the fact that he wasn't alone in his... _discomfort._

"It certainly helps me think of a few new possibilities for the great selfie games," Roman added, conjuring a phone for emphasis.

"And, I guess there is sort of a… uh… dark edginess to it, like… one of those… _Crayola crayon… Halloween packs,_ " the black-clad side yielded, finding much difficulty in pushing the words out.

" _That_ is your standard for dark edginess?" the prince asked him dubiously.

"I-I don't know!" he grunted. "I'm just trying not to bring the group down here."

"You only help to lift me up, you sweet and sour misunderstood shadowling," Patton affirmed, his voice heartfelt and eyes tearful.

Virgil opened his mouth to say something, but his face twisted when he processed what Patton had said. " _...What?"_

"Shh, hmm, just nod and agree; _he has a lot of love to give,_ " Thomas said as the empath's lip trembled.

The emo nodded with an incredulous expression. " _Well, all I'm saying is..._ Thomas, in your past, it's been far easier to just _blend in._ When you make yourself stand out like this, yeah, it _can_ be good, but a lot of times... it can be..." He stopped himself before he could say _bad,_ " _not so good._ "

Logan spoke up with an intrigued smile: "He's trying not to be harsh so as not to be too distressing, but he is the source of your Anxiety. This is odd. _He is odd._ "

" _Logan._ "

"- _But_ he does have a point. Might one's effort to find happiness in unique self-expression leads to the unhappy result of being _the odd one out?_ "

"I mean yeah, I see the concern, but I-I don't think that should keep us from taking that risk. If it's not hurting me or others, sometimes being the odd one out can be... fun."

Virgil begged to differ. "Speak for yourself. Being the odd one out was my whole presence here, and it was _not fun._ "

"Aha!" Roman cheered beside the emo, startling him. " _That_ is the crux of this issue. Virgil is a little too familiar with rejection and has had his fill."

"What? No..." Unconsciously, he brought a hand up to rub his neck, feeling called out. He wouldn't say rejection... that made it sound like he'd been desperate or even trying to get the others to like him. That was never his goal. The goal was always to make them fear him, no matter what _someone_ said, about _dread_ not being equivalent to _respect._

"He doesn't realize that sometimes _standing out_ can feel _outstanding!_ And I would know."

"Oh. Well... shoot. Maybe we need to make you feel included, as a valued part of me, so that you don't feel wrong for being different."

That made him feel worse. They were coddling him: taking time out of their happy episode to combat Virgil's feeling of inferiority. He was being a burden. He had wanted that to stop. Getting closer to others only made him _dependent;_ why couldn't he just learn to handle the scorn by _himself-?_

"Roman, that was... _astute._ "

"I know!" Roman cheered, glowing at the praise.

"And you used the word iridescence earlier, you are on a clever streak today. _Which is unusual for you._ "

" _I know-_ Wait, what? Rude! As I was saying, I know just what he needs!" The prince gestured grandly towards space next to Patton. Nothing happened.

"Oh... _Patton?_ " Thomas asked dubiously.

The empath's face lit up, and Virgil felt guilty for not automatically feeling better. Patton was comforting, but the drawback of accepting his help was the feeling that he couldn't fend for himself- _or at least-_ he wasn't _expected_ to.

"No!" Roman denied. Then a thoughtful look crossed his face. "I mean... _maybe,_ but that wasn't-! _DECEIT!"_

With absolutely no warning, Janus popped into the room, and everyone jumped. In the half-second it took him to realize, Thomas noticed the liar was holding a hand mirror and… was that a bowler hat?

Both disappeared from the snake's hands the moment he realized he had been summoned. " _JES-_ was **_totally_** expecting a bit callback today. Did I do good on the audition?" he asked, brushing a few strands of hair behind his ear.

Thomas glanced between the liar and the prince. "Oh, um… Roman, why Deceit?"

Virgil stiffened. Dammit. He just knew that they'd ask Janus something personal that would put him on the spot to tell a convincing lie, and he'd trip up and reveal Virgil's past, and everyone would get upset at him for keeping secrets, and Patton would misunderstand and think he hated him-

"Because if Virgil's issue is feeling left out, it's nothing a little game of comparison won't fix!" the prince declared.

The others and Thomas looked at Roman with varying levels of confusion, but Janus seemed to pick up on what the prince was suggesting immediately. " ** _Marvellous_** idea. I was getting worried that you all were going to become far too inclusive." Turning to Virgil, he addressed the emo in a sickly-sweet tone: "Virgil, sweetie, you had your acceptance arc. Leave the sulking to the rest of us. I'm done here." With that, the duplicitous side began to sink down.

The anxious side went to interject but was beat by Patton.

"No, ya aren't, kiddo!"

The liar popped back up, his face unimpressed. "Oh, I'm not? Why do you say that, Patton? **_Do tell._** "

Patton grinned. "I will once you… _do_ tell us what ya think of the _do!"_

A small, amused smile crossed the snake's lips that he quickly supplanted with a sinister smirk. " ** _Oh, it's positively dreadful._** Whoever heard of yellow and purple going together?"

Virgil stiffened but quickly willed himself to relax. It was alright... they didn't... they didn't associate purple with him. Purple and yellow were opposites, right? _That's_ what that meant. The snake wasn't trying to imply _anything,_ because as far as he knew, Virgil had disposed of the fabric he'd been gifted before he even left.

"See? Now that makes three sides against this ridiculous change of appearance-"

"Um, Logan, I don't know. It might be sarcasm," Thomas cut in.

"It definitely _is_ sarcasm!" Roman cried. "Deceit! Tell the truth! Say you love it!"

"Oh, Roman, please refrain from making two requests back to back when you don't know that they conflict with each other or not," Janus scolded, pouting at the prince. He paused before continuing with a big dumb smirk: "But it is true, I adore it."

" _Aha!_ "

"I fail to see how this is a victory for you," Logan rejoined, aggravated by the creative side's excitement. "You heard what Deceit said. Your two requests may be conflicting, and we aren't entirely sure when Deceit is telling the truth."

"Oh, but I am!" the liar cried, wearing a look of feigned hurt. " ** _Scout's honour,_** " he swore, raising a gloved hand.

Virgil scoffed. "You were never a scout."

Without a beat, Janus fired back: " ** _Yes, I was. I have the sash and everything._** "

Logan was immediately suspicious. "It is highly unlikely that you, as an asset to Thomas' personality, would be able to join and participate in the Cub Scouts independent of Thomas."

Virgil sighed and shook his head. He felt a bit wicked, knowing that the logical side believed Janus was genuinely trying to trick him with his satire.

Patton gasped. "Ooh! I wanna see the sash!"

"Oh, you can't see it."

"Why not? There's no need to feel embarrassed around your happy pappy Patton."

" ** _My dog ate it._** "

"Aw..." the empath pouted, "well, that's a bummer."

" ** _Yes, I'd be glad to let you see it, otherwise._** "

Virgil huffed out a laugh. " _Fib._ "

Janus simpered, and suddenly, Virgil was aware that all eyes were on him. Change the subject! Don't be suspicious! "Uh! So, how was this supposed to help, Princey?"

" ** _He wanted to rub in that I was a successful cub scout, and you weren't,_** " the liar piped up.

The black-clad side bit his lip to keep in a chuckle. "Just- _just shut up._ "

"Well, Virgil, you are a part of the group! And Deceit is not- oh, _wait..._ "

" _Yeah?_ "

Roman sucked in a breath and, at the very least, had the decency to look ashamed. "Ooooh... I'm doing the same thing as before, aren't I?"

Logan nodded, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "It would seem so. While many individuals find reprieve in witnessing or aiding in the alienation of someone else from their group, the activity is unhealthy and may not be the ideal solution to Virgil's worries. Does anyone else have an idea as to how we can resolve this issue?"

"TONKS!"

Janus jumped and shoved Patton to the right to be out of Roman's swinging range.

" _Gosh!_ I literally almost took your _whole face_ out."

"Aw thanks, Deceit, for saving me."

The serpentine side fussed with his jacket, checking to see if any part of himself had been slashed by the prince's katana. " ** _Yes, that was my intention. Definitely._** "

"Patton, you now have our attention," Thomas acknowledged.

" _That's_ what your hair reminds me of! Nymphadora Tonks, the metamorphmagous from Harry Potter!"

Logan grimaced. "Okay, both of you with your big words today, _stealing my thing... no big deal._ "

"Oh, Logan... Don't feel threatened by their _sesquipedalian_ words," Janus drawled. "Your place in the group is far from... _infinitesimal._ "

"You, too?!"

Virgil bit back a laugh. "Hey, watch it, _Severus Snake,_ or you're gonna get kicked out."

" _That's it!_ I know just what to do!"

"We kick Deceit?" 

"Virgil!" Thomas yelled despite already having the emo's attention. "You know Harry Potter, right?"

"I _just_ referenced Snape. How wouldn't I-?"

" ** _No, he doesn't,_** " Janus interjected. "There's **_no_** way your Anxiety would be aware of your comfort series."

"So..."

The snake rolled his eyes. "None of us _don't_ know Harry Potter is what I'm saying."

"Okay... that's a double negative... does _that_ mean you're lying?"

Janus cast a pleading look Virgil's way.

Hesitantly heeding the liar's silent request, the emo set to get their host back on track. "Thomas, just get to the point. What's the idea? Do I get to kick a snake?"

"No!"

" _Bummer._ "

"Okay, so you know that nifty little device that Rowling gave to us to determine where every student fits in?"

"I fail to see the point of all these clarifications, we all know about the Harry Potter series," Logan said critically.

"Oh, I can _sort_ of see where you're going with this, Thomas-"

" _Hats off_ to you, Patton, eyyy-"

"Aragog. A ginormous spider in the Harry Potter universe," Patton recounted in a dark tone.

"Wait- what? No-"

Virgil stared at the empath, trepidation welling up inside of him at the sudden change of tone.

"He's bold, he's terrifying, and no matter where we all fit in... we are all his prey."

"That... was _not_ where I was going with that, Patton, but point well made."

"He must be stopped."

Well, Virgil could guess where Patton's fear of spiders might've originated from.

Janus inched away from the father-figure. 

"Hogwarts houses! In the books, the students get sorted into four different Hogwarts houses based on the qualities that they exhibit."

Virgil bit his lip. He never really liked that part of the books. It reminded him of all the times Thomas tried his hardest to find some clique to call his own and all the times the anxious side attempted to tear him down to prevent him from facing inevitable rejection.

"Oh, that makes more sense!"

Janus' expression soured. "This is a **_brilliant_** idea."

"Oh, okay, so you're saying this magical, _some might say_ nonsensical, talking headwear sorting system could be of use to us?"

"Well, although simply being a device in the books, people reading them also began to be curious as to where they may be sorted if they went to Hogwarts, and a lot of Harry Potter house quizzes appeared online. It sort of helped to promote this idea that we may be different-"

Virgil glanced at Logan, wondering if the logical side was gonna fall for any of this.

"-But we're all valued and important and all part of the same _school._ "

"But the school's not real."

The teacher's unyielding bluntness brought a small smile to the emo's face.

"It was a metaphor, _Erlyn Mire trash._ "

"Oh! _School_ him!" Patton continued in a quieter voice: "Don't be mean, though."

"Fantasy worlds are my jam, bro ham."

"Listen, I'm just doing my best over here."

" _Boom_."

"You guys-"

Put off by the back-and-forth, Virgil cut in: "So, what's the plan here?"

"We're gonna sort you!"

"Sort me?" God, it sounded like a threat.

"Well, sure, I, myself, am a Hufflepuff, but you all are different facets of my personality with different strengths and weaknesses. It may take some discussion, but I am sure that we can thoughtfully deduce where each of you—"

"Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin. There we go! End of Sanders Sides video! Until next time everyone," Roman addressed the camera before sinking down.

Patton and Janus followed. "Oh, yay!"

And Logan. "Thank God."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" Thomas yelled, calling the others back up.

"Why am I a Slytherin? What are the qualifications?" He already knew the qualifications. Or at least half-knew. _Evil._ But that couldn't be all, right?

"Well, you're the... you're the dark and sinister one."

Any fragile hope the anxious side held just smashed into a million tiny pieces on the floor. 

"Pump the _brakes,_ Princey! That is not what qualifies a Slytherin."

"Well, all the other houses are definitely taken by us, so it's the only one he could possibly fit into."

That was the definition of being the odd one out, the last one picked for the team, the black sheep-

"And that is a great example of what we are not going to do with Virgil."

"Okay, look. Fantasy is not my jam, my jam of choice is Crofter's, and this video isn't sponsored, I'm just a fan. _Crofter's,_ the only jelly I will put in my belly."

"What... was that?"

"Yeah, I mean," Roman conjured his own jar of jam and a spoon, "I love me a spoonful of Crofter's, but that was a little out of left field, Logan." 

Virgil cringed at the sound of the prince's teeth clinking against the spoon. Did he just take a _bite_ of jam?

"What is _happening?!"_

"Fruit spreads aside," Logan cast the jar aside, and Virgil was thankful that it didn't fall to the floor and shatter. "I've done some thinking on this fantasy organization process this, eh, _Dobby decimal system_."

"Nice."

"Thanks. Whether or not the result of these quizzes that determine which Hogwarts houses one belongs to are authentic, they can reinforce someone's sense of self. So, if this is necessary to help Virgil feel better about himself, then I support it. With that said, let's break down these houses, shall we?"

"Now, Logan, ya know how much I love wordplay," Patton piped up, "but I think we're missing a player here."

Thomas turned to face the empath. "What do you mean, Pat- oh, yeah, Deceit's gone."

"He must not have returned after the rest of us dismissed ourselves," Logan deduced.

Virgil chimed in; hand raised: "I say we don't invite him back." Janus was just another variable he had to keep track of. Someone who knew more than the anxious side was comfortable with and taunted him with the threat of revealing that knowledge more than could be tolerated, which was at all. 

"Well, we aren't going with my original plan, so we don't really... need him," Roman added.

"Yes, and since Roman's intent was to point out our tendency to leave Deceit out of activities, this illustrates that perfectly."

"No...! I- you make it sound bad!" the prince whined.

"That was not my intention," Logan replied. "I made sure to use objective language in my statement, so if my description makes your plan sound malicious in intent, then that maybe because it is inherently ill-disposed."

"Well, I mean, is it okay to call him back?" Thomas asked, looking to Virgil.

"What? Why are you looking at me?" He knew, oh god, he knew, _he knew-_

"Um, I already know that Patton wants to, and those two don't."

Oh. "Well, that's two out of three votes against."

"Two out of four, Virge," the man corrected him in a tender voice.

That... was reassuring. Virgil wasn't being singled out; he was being included. "I... sure." Then, realizing what he'd just consented to, Virgil blurted: " _Wait, no!_ "

He was a second too late, and Janus popped into the room with no mask, but instead the bowler hat from earlier. 

Thomas barely got a glance at the duplicitous side's face before Deceit shielded himself with the hat. When he pulled the hat away, the mask was back. The man's pondering about what the liar could be hiding behind the mask was disrupted by the realization that the side's whole ensemble had changed. In place of his purple button-up and gold-trimmed trenchcoat was a dull, almost grey, purple shirt with yellow trim and yellow clasps. Sitting on his shoulders was a black capelet. Instead of the black gloves that he wore in the last episode, on his hands were a pair of bright yellow gloves.

"Woah, Deceit... You got a whole new look. A... _a lot of yellow._ " The man did not sound too thrilled.

"I'm **_upset_** you noticed. I **_hadn’t_** figured a change would do nicely, though I **_had_** intended to show off today. Do you like my new gloves?" Deceit asked teasingly, wiggling his fingers to emphasize the change.

"Actually, I _really_ don't... can you maybe... change it- _change it back, please?_ " Thomas really disliked the colour yellow.

The duplicitous side chuckled. " _No._ "

"You're wearing a cape!" Roman cheered. "I told you a cape would befit a villain such as yourself!"

"The new outfit is certainly more..." Logan gave Janus a once-over. " _Eye-catching._ Though I wouldn't say that it looks practical."

"I like the hat!"

Virgil sneered. "Your gloves are grating on my eyes."

"And your _voice_ is grating on my _ears._ Now, could anybody explain why the episode hasn't already ended by now?"

The black-clad side opened his mouth, and the liar held up a hand. 

" _Not you._ Your voice is grating."

Patton volunteered. "Well, Virgil doesn't think he's a Slytherin, so we're talking about that."

"I never said..." He had implied it. "I didn't _deny_ the sorting, but I just don't get what makes me a Slytherin."

"Wait, so you all said _Virgil_ was a _Slytherin?_ "

Roman nodded. "Yes? Wait, Deceit, weren't you there? Why are you surprised?"

" ** _No, I wasn't._** Now, what qualifications does Virgil possibly meet to be a Slytherin of all things?"

"Well, he's the dark-" Thomas gave Roman a look, and the prince amended his words. "I _mean,_ out of the four of us, that's the only house left!"

The liar cocked up an eyebrow. "Out of the _four_ of you?"

The man in the center frowned, catching on to what the serpentine side was implying. "Hey, yeah, Roman, not only are you just shoving Virgil into a house because the others are taken, but you didn't even sort Deceit."

"That _was_ Roman's initial plan in calling him here," Logan hummed. "To isolate Deceit to make Virgil feel better by comparison."

"Okay, you _have_ to know how bad that sounds!"

"It was your plan."

Roman let out a distressed cry. " _Fine!_ But need I even say what house _Nagini_ over there is? He's a Slytherin, _duh!"_

Thomas gave his creative side an unimpressed look. "You know, saying _duh_ at the end of your sentence doesn't make for a convincing argument."

"I dunno," Virgil remarked, "I think it does." He didn't want them to list the Slytherin traits anymore. Not with Janus present to laugh and judge and imply things that would fly over the other's heads but never failed to fill him with dread.

"Thomas is right; in fact, it makes you come across as _even more offensive._ "

"Just because Janus is a little snake-y, it doesn't automatically make him a Slither-friend."

"Okay," the man in the center interjected. "You guys keep calling him a snake, I don't get it. Is it because he _lies?"_

"Well, actually kiddo-" Patton's hand flew up to cover his mouth.

"You don't need the answer to that question," Janus responded eerily.

Thomas held up his hands in surrender.

"So!" Janus clapped, "I see there's **_certainly_** a **_dire_** need for me to be here. If the whole purpose of this discussion is to cheer up Virgil, I **_won't_** be returning to what I was already doing."

"Ha, no," Virgil deadpanned. "If I gotta sit through this, so do you." What was he doing? Janus leaving had been what he wanted. The serpentine side was a threat, someone you didn't want to cross paths with. However, a part of Virgil knew him as someone familiar, and familiarity brought comfort as much as it bred contempt.

"What a **_mature_** sentiment to have, Virgil. **_Not petty at all._** " Despite his words, the snake made no move to leave. Interest flickered in his eyes, and the anxious side pointedly avoided eye-contact.

Thomas, all the while, was blissfully unaware of the growing tension. "Okay! Now that that's all settled- _I guess-_ let's get into it! Roman, you have Gryffindor?"

"The brave ones!" the prince declared grandiosely.

"Well, yeah, but that's an oversimplification; they're also determined and chivalrous."

"And this is the one Roman thinks he's in?" Virgil snarked.

"Eh, doi!" 

"Then, there's Ravenclaw, typically known as the wise and clever ones."

Logan's face lit up. "Ah, that is me, isn't it?"

"The ones who think they're smarter than everyone else."

"Well, I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else..." the logical side trailed off before continuing with a smile: "I _know_ I'm smarter than everyone else."

Roman sighed deeply.

"Then, there's Hufflepuff, the loyal and friendly ones."

" _Oh, that's what you think of me, Roman?"_ Patton asked, his voice raised by several octaves.

"I mean, yeah, you're the softest little puffball we got, Padre."

"You don't have to be mean to him-"

" _Ahhh! Thank you, Roman!"_

"See?"

Despite himself, Virgil chanced a look at Janus, who was staring at the father-figure with a look of suspicion. The liar's gaze then flickered towards the emo, who flinched and looked away.

"And then there is Slytherin who, _yes,_ get a rep in the book for being the bad guys, but they're mainly known for being _ambitious, cunning, strong leaders._ "

 _Janus._ "But that... that's not me."

" _Ye-_ no." Roman paused. "Hmm... What the _heckity heck? Five abs and one pec!"_

" _What a visual._ "

"What was that?"

"Just a little something I like to say when I'm confused so that I'm not alone in my confusion, _see, it works._ Virgil is _not_ a Slytherin!"

"Aw darn... it was so close to being perfect."

"Well, sorry to ruin that for you."

"You didn't ruin anything."

"If you keep talking bad about yourself, I am going to physically fight you!"

"No, no, that is the opposite of helpful, Patton."

"Nobody talks about my child like that."

"Okay, o-okay, buddy."

Patton stared intently at Virgil and gestured that he's watching him.

"That's right, Virgil!" Virgil glanced away from the empath's threatening gestures to meet the liar's eyes. "By all accounts, you **_aren't_** a coward. When I think of you, I **_definitely_** think of someone I want at the forefront." The serpentine side cleared his throat, visibly frustrated by his own backward talking. " _However,_ " he continued, his voice deliberate, "by definition... you could say that _I_ am a Slytherin."

Oh, no. That's why Virgil hadn't wanted him around for this discussion. If Janus was a Slytherin, and the others all fit their own houses, and Virgil was the only one who stood out, then all his efforts to be part of the group would be dashed as the liar took his place with no effort needed; however, despite all that, a part of Virgil had _needed_ the snake to stick around, and he didn't understand-

"Yeah, you're an evil, lying snake."

" _Roman._ "

"What?! It's literally true!"

Janus hummed. "Two of those words you designated to me were true, one is a lie."

"Oh, like that nifty party game!"

"Whatever aids in your _**confusion**_ , Morality."

"I see, this is... not what I would've expected from Deceit joining the discussion. If this sorting system guarantees that each of us is separated into one of the four houses, it is puzzling that Deceit fits near perfectly into the house of Slytherin, and Virgil doesn't."

"Oh, now Logan, when you put it that way... it sounds like, for your little group, I fit more into the mould."

He did, he did, _he did,_ and for some reason, the dread flooding Virgil's head had nothing to do with that. If Janus was a Slytherin, that meant Virgil didn't _have_ to be. That was pressure off his shoulders. But if Virgil _wasn't_ a Slytherin, then where could he possibly belong?

"Yes, I admit that my statement may come across that way; however, I was just expressing confusion because, by that line of thinking, the roles should be reversed."

"Which is why you must abandon that line of thinking. Change your perspective-"

" _That's it!"_

A smile flashed across Janus' face at Thomas' interruption. "You understand, Thomas?"

"Yes! We all think that Virgil can't fit into the group because he may not be a Slytherin."

" _Yes._ "

"But! Who is to say that the rest of you guys are in the houses that Roman chose?"

"I... You misunderstand what I was trying to say."

"Good!" Thomas cheered, clearly mistaking Janus' response for a lie. "So, let's _change our perspectives,_ shall we?"

Virgil held back a laugh at Janus' disgruntled face.

"Yes, for instance, you, Roman, sound more like a Slytherin," Logan claimed.

The prince reeled back, glancing up at the Slytherin hat that appeared on his head. "What? _I do not!"_

"Oh, so you don't think you're a strong leader? You don't think you're cunning?"

Virgil smirked at the teacher's sly tone.

"I'm not evil!" Roman yelled.

"Says who?" the black-clad side asked mischievously.

Janus chuckled.

"Slytherins are not all evil. Okay? Let's just get rid of that idea right now."

"But... _Voldemort..._ "

" _Don't say his name!"_ Patton whisper-yelled.

"Well, Patton seems more like a Ravenclaw to me," Roman fired back.

The empath's face lit up as he reached up for the cap on his head. "Ooh, it's _blue._ "

"Umm... that doesn't follow at all."

" _Indubiously._ "

Virgil glanced at Logan and bit back a grin at the way the long word made his eye twitch.

"Well, he's always the one coming up with those witty puns!"

"You call those witty?"

"Well, you call those glasses?" Patton chimed in.

"I mean, yes, I'm not sure if you're implying something's-"

"Well, I don't think they'll pick up, they don't have a cellphone! Zing!"

As Patton laughed gleefully at his own joke, Virgil couldn't help the grin that crossed his lips. Janus hid his own amusement behind a gloved hand, but no one else seemed to notice.

Logan exhaled deeply. "Okay, I-I'm gonna walk that off for a second," he excused himself, turning away from the camera.

"There it is. Good. See, this is what I mean by rethinking qualities."

"Logan seems more like a Gryffindor!" Janus and Patton shouted in unison.

The side in question and spun back around to express his outrage. "You see! Patton makes statements like that, and you think _he_ is a Ravenclaw!"

"Uh, why is that now, Patton?" Roman asked, looking a bit miffed to have his house taken by Logan of all people.

"Because he's my hero," the empath answered with a smile.

Logan was positively furious, clapping with each syllable. " _We get it. You're adorable!"_

"Yeah. Patton- _um and Deceit-_ they may have a point. I mean, Hermione was a Gryffindor, and she was the smartest of them all-"

"Actually, I just agreed with Patton to see you get angrier," Janus revealed, chuckling. He held his chin with a yellow gloved hand, looking up and down Logan's form. "But... now that I'm thinking about it, Gryffindors are known to have short tempers, which makes it a perfect house for both the nerdy teacher _and_ the royal pain."

" _Oh, SHUT UP!"_

" _FALSEHOOD!"_

Virgil held a hand to his ear, wincing at the loud noises. "Ah, I did _not miss that._ "

"Gryffindors are self-righteous and arrogant," the logical side seethed, adjusting his glasses.

"Oh, okay, Patton, I wasn't totally convinced before, but maybe Logan _is_ a Gryffindor," the prince teased.

"I _do_ see that," the emo chimed in.

" _Right?_ " the empath asked with a big grin.

" _Also,_ they are _impulsive_ and have _no regard for the rules,_ does that sound like me? And also, that would- what- leave Anxiety as Hufflepuff?"

Virgil winced at Logan's use of his title and at the new headwear thrust upon him. Ugh, yellow.

Janus whistled, "Breaking out the titles now, Logic? You really need to learn not to lash out at others."

The logical side's anger was quickly replaced with shock, then shame.

"Yeah, I- wait." Thomas paused, turning to the liar with a skeptical expression. "Do you mean Logan should or shouldn't lash out?"

The duplicitous side rolled his eyed. " ** _Should,_** " he lied.

"No, he was telling the truth," the teacher interjected. Turning to the anxious side, he continued: "I'm sorry, Virgil. That was uncalled for."

"I... it's fine, really..." The emo bit his lip. "And I'm sorry I called you arrogant, I don't think any pride you feel is misplaced."

Logan's eyes widened, and a smile crept onto his lips. "Why... that's... that's okay, Virgil. I'm glad to hear you feel that way."

He shrugged, his gaze falling to his shoes. "I just... that means I'm not Hufflepuff, doesn't it?" he asked, pointing up at the hat sitting on his head. He didn't catch the way the teacher's face fell at his morose expression.

"Well, ya still could be," Patton spoke up.

"How?"

"You are hardworking!"

"Working hard to make Thomas parano-" 

Thomas shot a glare at the prince. 

"- _vigilant._ _Paranovigilant._ D'you like that? I just made up that word just now! I'm basically Shakespeare! Uh..."

"I don't work that hard," the black-clad side grunted. It didn't take much to worry Thomas, so his job wasn't that impressive. Hell, it seemed Logan was already doing it for him before he was summoned.

"Oh! Hufflepuffs are also modest."

"Less modest, more self-deprecating."

"What's that?" the father-figure asked him, holding a hand to his ear.

"I talk bad about myself," he clarified nonchalantly.

" _I will physically fight you!"_

"Hufflepuffs are also known to be honest, and you certainly keep things one-hundred."

"That was nice, Logan."

"Yup. Honest, patient, and impartial."

" _Impartial?_ " Oh, he was _not_ impartial, he was... what was it that Roman called him? _Debby Downer? Negative Nancy? Marilyn Morose?_ Don't even get him started on _patience._

"Yep, they tend not to take sides unless given good reason to."

"One thing that I am not in this group is impartial. I am always bringing up the cons to anything you guys talk about."

Janus sighed. "Well, you're illustrating that **_poorly,_** at the moment, though I **_don't_** believe that that may be a self-fulfilling prophecy," he fired off.

"What are you talking about?" Virgil asked, dreading the answer the moment the question left his mouth. 

"When it comes to matters regarding yourself, you **_won't_** blindly pick the perspective that paints you negatively." Examining the state of his gloves, the liar carried on, speaking slowly: "However, that doesn't mean that you _never_ follow any internal Logic."

The logical side perked up at the allusion to him and nodded. "Yes, despite being my opposite in some respects, Virgil, you are keen to listen to what I say when I bring sufficient evidence to the table."

"And being a tad pessimistic is _fair..._ " Roman added though he looked hesitant to admit it. "You balance things out, Virge."

"You're always welcome to disagree with us, kiddo! Where would we be without our stormcloud to help us see that the rain is coming? You always pull through for us."

The black-clad side grimaced. A stormcloud was a sign that it was too late.

"Ah, that is another trait: _loyalty._ " Logan pointed out. "You're here to keep Thomas safe, aren't you?"

He shrugged. "Well, yeah, but that's my _job._ "

"Does the fact that it is a job inherently take away from the fact that you work hard?"

"But I _don't_ work h-"

"Virgil?" Virgil stiffened and looked to Thomas. "I think that, even if you don't _think_ you're working hard, you're working hard _enough._ Maybe you don't identify with the word modest, but self-deprecation is your form of humility. Wouldn't you say?"

"I... then, I'm a Hufflepuff?" It still didn't feel right. He was being shoved into a box. Every other spot was taken, so they wanted him in _Hufflepuff._ It didn't matter if he could hardly breathe or felt claustrophobic; if he asked to be let out of the box, could he even be considered part of the group anymore-?

"If you're comfortable with the title."

At those words, the anxious side took in a deep breath. "I... I don't know. Can we go through the others?"

"Sure, bud."

"We can keep this magical mish-mash going. Prince can be Hufflepuff!"

Roman jumped as his red sash was replaced with a yellow one that said _'Hufflepuff'_ ; the Slytherin hat disappeared. "Okay, but this sorting has to make some sense."

"Cedric Diggory was a Hufflepuff, and he was a tri-wizard champion," he continued in a quieter voice: " _before he died._ "

"So was _Harry,_ and _he_ was a Gryffindor," the prince grumbled.

"And Hufflepuffs are said to make the best companions," Thomas added.

The extravagant side looked intrigued at that. "...In a romantic sense?" 

"Why not?"

"They're also particularly good finders."

"And you are very good at finding new ways to insult me," Virgil offered. 

" _Nooo, hey!_ " Roman cried, sounding a mixture of offended and worried.

"Not this time around, relax, I noticed the effort, it's cool."

" _Whew!_ Okay. Well, Logan... you could be the Slytherin of the group," Roman suggested.

Logan's tie was replaced with a green striped one, and the Gryffindor hat disappeared. "Ooh, I actually understand that." He began listing the traits on his fingers: " _Cunning, resourceful, a strong leader-_ " A smile appeared on his face at that last one.

"-a disregard for the rules," Patton and Janus appended in unison.

"Wait, wait, what?" Logan stared at the two incredulously. "No, that- _that's Gryffindor._ "

"It _is_ Gryffindor, but it's also Slytherin. Dumbledore did say that that was a trait Salazar Slytherin valued; _a certain disregard for the rules._ "

"That was a Gryffindor talking about a Slytherin," Logan fired back. " _I spy_ an obvious bias."

"Okay, but it was _Severus Snape_ who said that _Gryffindors_ have no regard for the rules so, hey, maybe they both do-"

Janus rolled his eyes, snorting. 

"-maybe just one does- maybe they both don't. We could do this all day, so let's just move on."

"Patton could be Gryffindor," Virgil proposed.

The empath's Ravenclaw hat disappeared, and his blue polo was replaced with a red striped shirt. He gasped and whispered: " _Ooooh, I look like a pirate!_ "

"Explain," Roman deadpanned.

"Please," Logan agreed.

" _I don't know,_ he's Thomas' heart, he just seems like the most impulsive and reckless at times. I mean, we're constantly working to rein him in."

Thomas pointed to Virgil. "Good _point!_ See, that was a good point to you," the man said, gesturing to his pointing hand. "Also, _valid argument,_ Virgil."

"Alright, so you must be... a Ravenclaw."

Virgil's Hufflepuff hat vanished, and he now wore a blue shirt that said _'Wise.'_ "I mean, _maybe..._ "

"If anyone else here was going to be Ravenclaw... I would think it would be you," Logan relented.

"You are definitely a bit eccentric," Roman added.

"You're the common sense we need," Patton said with a grin.

"You cause me to think through all possible outcomes to _any_ given situation."

"You've always been a savvy Sybill _Trelawney._ "

"I suppose, but... I don't know I'm just the one who points out the problems. Ravenclaws are the ones who are innovative enough to actually solve the problems."

"What are you talking about? You've done that before."

"By accident. Or by drawing upon information that you already knew."

Janus groaned. Loudly.

"Dude, can you stop being obnoxious every time I make a point?"

"Can you stop begging the question?"

"Oh, but he's not... asking any questions?"

"No, Patton, to _beg the question_ is to base an entire argument on the belief that one's side is the correct one. I believe Deceit means to say that Virgil is shutting down our suggestions based solely on the misconception that he is inherently unhelpful or unworthy of praise."

"Huh?"

"Virgil's putting himself down again," Roman explained casually.

"No one puts down my son!" Patton cried furiously. "Not even _himself!"_

The prince stared at the empath, wide-eyed and brandishing his sword just in case he had to break anything up.

Logan sighed at the dramatics. "Violence really isn't the answer in this case... or _any._ "

"Well, what am I supposed to say?" Virgil huffed. "That I'm always this helpful... wise guy who always knows the answer?"

"Virgil, you draw upon already known information to come to a conclusion that no one else could have." Despite the praising words, Janus was looking at him like he was an idiot. "How do you think a Ravenclaw problem solves? By pulling the solution out of their _ass-?"_

"- _ssential_ well of knowledge?" Patton amended.

The liar side-eyed the empath. "That **_wasn't_** a stretch at all."

"But what about me screams _clever?_ _Anyone_ could make the points I do-"

"But does anyone ever?" Roman interjected. "Not until you bring them up. Like... the episode would have been _over_ if you hadn't disagreed with my sorting."

Virgil grunted. Yeah, he knew that he'd overcomplicated everything. The emo didn't need a reminder of his selfishness, making everything about him. He just... wanted a bit more clarity. "Well, Logan was against the hair way before I showed up."

Patton chuckled at that. "Well, Roman and I can get a little carried away with the sunshine and rainbows, and Logan can't always rein us in on his own."

"Yes!" Thomas emphatically agreed. "So, we need you here, once again, to balance it out."

"I will call attention to the fact that two optimists and one realist and pessimist do not balance out. Which makes your place in Thomas' mind all the more important."

" _And_ Ravenclaws are also known for accepting their own eccentricities. So hopefully... if this sorting is successful...?" Thomas hinted, pointing out his purple-hued head.

"I... well, I-I guess. It's..." This was it. He could just say that he felt like a Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw or whatever and be done with it. However, the thought brought him no comfort, only more dread. Despite himself, he blurted: "Well, Ja- _J. D-ceit_ is here, though, what's he?"

The side in question stiffened, and he shot the emo a look that screamed betrayal. "This isn't about me."

Patton looked to Janus. "Actually... I do sorta think I know what you were trying to get at before, Deceit."

"Oh, and what might that be, Morality?" the snake hissed.

"There's more than four of us!"

Logan nodded. "Yes, and while you have been free to chime in throughout this discussion, we have unwittingly pushed you into the role of... _the odd one out._ "

"And it's been a **_painful_** venture," Janus said vindictively. "I **_definitely_** stuck around because I wanted to feel included."

"So, you want to participate?"

The liar scowled at Thomas' suggestion, though he maintained firm eye-contact with Virgil. "You know, Virgil, if wisdom is not a trait you identify with, I can think of one that you will. Ravenclaws have a reputation for _backstabbing_ to get what they want. Very _fitting,_ now, isn't it?"

Virgil winced at the pernicious remark.

Roman bit his lip looking at the serpentine side. "Now, I really feel far from the chivalrous Gryffindor I once claimed to be. After all, I brought you here to be the black sheep. Um...! _Ravenclaw?"_

Janus' bowler hat was replaced with the cap that Patton had been wearing earlier. On instinct, the liar's hands shot up to touch it, looking uncomfortable with the change. "This really isn't-"

"You have been keeping us on track. Each time Virgil shot down our suggestions, you provided a counter to him that kept the dialogue moving."

"And because of that, we were able to get _Fallout Joy-_ " Roman shot a glance his way, "-is that a good one?"

The emo rolled his eyes, fighting off a smile, "Sure, _Drama King._ "

The prince beamed. "We were able to get _Fallout Joy_ to warm up a little to Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff!"

That brought a frown back to the black-clad side's face; he really hadn't warmed up to either, though, just to the traits that described him.

"And ya sure are eccentric!"

"But," Thomas interrupted before they could get too carried away, "if that's not comfortable, we could go... um..."

"Well, I don't mean to be possessive of my house, but I don't think Gryffindor fits," Roman said, pointing to the snake.

The gesture unintentionally changed his shirt to the same one that Patton was wearing. He was clearly still miffed, but he looked relieved to have his bowler hat back. 

The empath gasped. " _Twinsies!_ "

Logan agreed: "That is fair, I would not describe Deceit as chivalrous."

"But he _did_ save me from a sword attack earlier," Patton offered.

"I did _not,_ " the liar growled, crossing his arms. He looked put off by the short sleeves.

The father-figure clapped. "Oh! How about Hufflepuff?"

Janus' shirt changed back, but now, draped over his shoulders was a black and yellow striped scarf, displacing his capelet. He looked down at it, his hands coming up to play with the ends. His expression was indecipherable.

Thomas glanced between the snake and the empath. "Um... Pat? That doesn't...?"

"I'm not sure if that works," Logan hummed.

"It _doesn't,_ " Roman asserted.

"I mean, _hardworking._ "

Janus stared at Virgil, tilting his head. "Excuse me?" He had this look in his eyes that said: _"Et tu, Virgil?"._

"You work hard... and you were... pretty patient with me when I was being difficult just now." 

The liar's glare softened, if only for a moment.

"Exactly! And the scarf matches!"

Everyone, sparing Janus, nodded, mumbling words of agreement.

"And if none of those fit... there _is_ still Slytherin."

A green striped tie hung around the liar's neck as the scarf went away.

"Cunning... a _snake..._ "

"Resourceful, determined..."

"A _disregard_ for the _rules!_ Boy, that _really_ fits!"

Several emotions flashed in the duplicitous side's eyes. Virgil tensed up when they finally settled on wrath.

"So... despite the preconceptions attached to it, does Slytherin feel like a good fit?"

"That... No."

"That's great! Now, Virgil-"

"No, I meant _no._ "

Thomas paused. "What, why?"

"This whole game of jumping houses? I only played along to see to it that you didn't screw anything up like you all are so keen to do each time you do one of these. Why do you think Virgil felt like a black sheep, to begin with? It's because that was a role you all _forced him into,_ " the duplicitous side growled.

 _That..._ Unconsciously, the side in question shook his head in denial. It wasn't their fault for how he felt. They shouldn't be held accountable for something he should be able to control. He could take responsibility for his own feelings; he didn't need a snake telling him who was at fault every time.

"Ah, what a Ravenclaw thing to say," Roman scoffed, and Janus was suddenly dressed in Ravenclaw robes, his gloves now blue, "asserting himself as the smartest one."

Besides the rage he clearly felt, the liar looked like a man drowning. "That is-"

"No! Roman! Don't cha see? Deceit was just looking out for Virgil!" Patton cheered, and the blue accents turned yellow.

The emo flinched. No, no, no, _don't_ catch on, _please._ "H-hey, _wait-_ " 

Logan hummed. "His reluctance to go along with this exercise does paint him as a Slytherin." Yellow turned green. "After all, the sorting process consists of nothing but rules..."

" _That's enough!"_ Janus snapped his fingers, and the robes were replaced with his personal garb. He fussed with the front of his capelet with one hand and readjusted his hat with the other.

Virgil's hand slapped over his mouth; in fact, so did everyone else's.

Thomas glanced around the room before shooting the snake a disapproving look that might've discouraged him if he weren't so vexed. "I... I don't understand. You were the one encouraging Virgil to recognize the traits he shared with Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Aren't you doing what you told him not to do?"

"I am-"

"Then why-"

"No, _listen._ If nothing I say is going to get through to you fools, Virgil **_can't_** explain it for you."

The emo's hand fell from his face.

Thomas glanced over at the black-clad side, who bit his lip. "W-we aren't asking Virgil to explain." When he turned again to address the liar, the space next to Patton was empty. "Deceit? _Deceit?!"_

Virgil stared guiltily at that empty space. He should've kept his mouth shut. "Just... just leave it be, Thomas. He's only gonna cause more trouble if you call him back."

"Well, that was rude," Roman huffed. "I don't understand, we were trying to be more inclusive."

"Perhaps he was made uncomfortable by our attempts to define him."

The anxious side heaved a sigh. "Yeah... that's- that is probably it."

"What a bummer..." Patton lamented.

" _Oh..._ I think I get what he was trying to say..." Thomas turned to Virgil. "Do... do you know what he was talking about?"

"I... I guess I do." However, he'd wanted everyone to ignore that issue, so he set them all on Janus like a pack of dogs. 

"Would you care to explain?" Logan requested.

Sighing deeply, Virgil relented. "The problem is that I don't _want_ to define myself by some arbitrary set of personality traits... Despite there only being four houses to choose from, it's not as simple as- as just picking one and basing everything about me around that identity. I... like, why should my flaws be decided by some old hat?"

Patton grimaced at that, muttering: " _It's more than a hat._ "

"Why can't I be my own person without putting a label on it?"

Logan frowned at Virgil's explanation. "Ah... then this exercise was unproductive."

The black-clad side shook his head. "No, that's not it. I... I'm _flattered_ that you guys think I'm needed. I... at first, it just felt like you were buttering me up. Trying to keep me from leaving again because it'd make your jobs harder."

"Oh, you know that's not true!" Roman cried.

"I _didn't._ " A part of Virgil hadn't wanted to go back on what he believed he already knew. It was harder for him to accept that the others cared than it was to tell himself that he wasn't good enough. "But I get it now."

His black hoodie disappeared, a red and black robe taking its place. Red was fire, and a fire was destruction. "I'm not some chivalrous hero, and I don't claim to be. And I guess that because of that-" red turned yellow, and he disliked both for their boldness, "-you could say I'm humble, but _frankly,_ I'm not very friendly."

Yellow became blue. Blue felt confident... _rational,_ which he was far from. "You guys may say I'm smart, but... the whole self-acceptance angle is hard for me." And the _backstabbing_ Janus mentioned? That wasn't something Virgil wanted to identify with. Blue was replaced by green. Green like grass, like leaves, like the forest. Green was calm, except for when it gave way to chaos. It wasn't a colour you could control, and he disliked that about it.

"And then the house that everyone _expects_ me to be in." He stared down at the insignia and grimaced. It was a _snake,_ sure, but that wasn't the problem anymore. Thinking about it, he felt _too much_ like a snake, lashing out whenever he was overwhelmed. There was something about it that made him feel helpless... small... like he was trying to get around with no limbs and inflicting anyone who got too close with a venomous bite. "But... but I don't feel like an _ambitious, cunning leader._ I feel more like a _play-it-safe, evasive worrier..._ I get that fitting into a house might help you guys... but for me, it creates a whole new set of expectations for me to live up to." 

"Aw... Virgil. We don't need you to be the best Hufflepuff or Slytherin to be part of the team," Thomas assured him.

"All we need is for you to be the best _you_ that you can be! And you're doing great!"

"Well, perhaps instead of trying to force each of us into a house that makes sense for the group... we should go for what _we_ feel fits us best."

Roman flashed into a Gryffindor robe.

Logan wore a Ravenclaw robe.

Patton changed into... what?!

"Perfect fit," the empath said, hugging himself in the black and green robes he donned.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa-!"

"What?!"

"Now that- that is unexpected."

" _Slytherin,_ Patton?" Thomas asked, trying to suppress his shock to keep from seeming unsupportive.

The emotional side glanced around the room and quickly switched into the Hufflepuff robe. " _Aw! I was just joshing with you guys!_ "

"Are... are you sure?"

Roman frowned, addressing Patton, "Now, Padre, you don't have to go with Hufflepuff just because I said it."

Logan nodded. "Yes, I may have gone with the house Roman suggested for me, but there is no pressure to fit into that mould. If you feel differently... that is acceptable."

The empath bit his lip and switched back into his initial choice. "Well, gee, I was gonna go with Hufflepuff because that's what people kinda _expect_ me to be... but well... I _really_ like Harry Potter."

"Yes?"

"And I've actually thought about it _a lot._ I know that Hufflepuff might be a better fit just looking at me, but... I thought maybe my devotion could actually make me a Slytherin?"

" _Hm._ "

"Isn't that Hufflepuff, though? Loyalty and sweetness?" Roman glanced around the room, looking for some confirmation.

"Well, Patton is right," Thomas spoke up. "Slytherins may have a reputation of being the selfish, cunning ones, but they value family, and that _doesn't_ have to stop at blood relations. No matter what, they make sure not to leave their own behind; you _could_ say it's a trait they share with Hufflepuffs."

Logan looked intrigued at that. "I would have assumed that the two would be complete opposites, seeing as some badgers actually prey upon snakes."

"Whoa, really?" Roman asked.

"Yes, actually."

Patton smiled, looking between the two. "And... I dunno, I'd like to think of myself as a determined, strong leader. Or that I could become one. I might not _seem_ like it, but that's what I really, truly want to be!"

"But Patton, you can still be that as a Hufflepuff."

The empath's smile grew strained. "Aw shucks, _I know..._ I should switch, shouldn't I?"

"No! If Slytherin is what you feel you might be, I'm all for it."

"Green _is_ a good colour for you," Roman admitted, and Virgil felt compelled to agree. "I'd prefer pastel, though," the prince muttered.

"Hm, I suddenly have an urge to document instances where you display Slytherin traits. Your tendency to threaten Virgil when he begins doubting himself seems better fitting under the lens of Slytherin," Logan offered as an example. 

At the mention, Patton shot a stern look at the emo.

Virgil chuckled in an attempt to mask his intimidation with amusement. "Going against the grain, I like it, Pat."

The empath looked overjoyed at the others' acknowledgements.

"Yeah, it's perfectly fine if any of you go beyond expectations like that," Thomas assured them. "You know who could have been in Slytherin OR Gryffindor? Harry-freaking-Potter."

"Hermione was going to be in Ravenclaw, but exemplified Gryffindor traits more," Logan explained.

"Neville wanted to be in Hufflepuff because he didn't see the Gryffindor traits in himself at all!" Patton added.

"You guys are making me feel good about my house, thank you!" Roman rejoined with a beaming face.

"Point is, there are examples of people who toe the line between multiple categories, and they fit whatever way they wanna fit."

Virgil shrugged. "But I don't fit, and that's okay."

"Exactly!" Patton cheered.

"You can be a Ravenclaw with Hufflepuff tendencies, you could be a Slytherin with Gryffindor tendencies-" Logan cut himself off, " _-no, wait, not that one._ "

Virgil smiled at the slip-up.

"You can be Raphael _and_ Donatello!" Patton cheered, the Hufflepuff scarf from earlier appearing around his neck to emphasize the point.

"Well, that's mixing metaphors, let's not confuse the issue."

"A water bender _and_ an earth bender!"

"O-only if you were the _Avatar,_ I thought we were talking about Harry Potter-"

" _You're a Greyjoy... and you're a Stark_."

"Thomas, you don't even _watch_ Game of Thrones, h-how do you-?!"

"You should, though, it's _so_ good."

"Yeah, I've heard."

"I guess I just look at you guys who have it all figured out, and... well, I wish that I was a little bit simpler to understand."

"Oh, who wants that? No one is or should be that simple, I mean just the fact that my Hufflepuff self is comprised of so many aspects and passions, is fascinating. Figuring yourself out should be an adventure. And in the meantime, don't be afraid to stand out a little. Embrace your differences. Heck, I dyed my hair this saucy shade of sangria for a change, and I like feeling a bit unique. Hopefully, you can too."

Virgil sighed, looking down at the sleeves of the robe. "...Well..." After much deliberation, he changed back into his hoodie. "Then I'm not picking a house. I don't need to belong to a specific Hogwarts house... to belong with you guys."

" _AW!_ I'm proud of you."

"TEN POINTS TO... uh, um, _Virgil!_ "

"That was an option?" Logan asked, thoroughly fed up and taking off the Ravenclaw robes. "I didn't have to participate in that at _all?_ "

"Say, Thomas, your hair and these emblems have given me an idea."

"Roman, make it work..." Under his breath, the man muttered: " _Project Runway..._ "

"I say we go through a bit of a change too," he suggested, shrugging off the robe.

"Ooh, how?" Patton asked, struggling to take his own robe off.

"If you say _"mind palace"_ again, we haven't even been _back_ to the one you created in a long-"

Roman turned around in a fancier version of his outfit with gold trims and a new logo on his sleeves. "Hm!"

Logan's attitude immediately took a complete 180 turn. "Oh, that's nice."

" _Ooh,_ new emblem thingy."

" _Aw, Prince 2.0-my goodness._ "

"Your shoulders were _so_ boring to look at before."

"Yeah, it's just a bit of a change, but I thought it would be nice."

Virgil couldn't think of anything worthwhile to say about the change. What could he say that the others hadn't that wouldn't come across as underhanded? _"Wow, you look like a real prince now."?_

"Well, I suppose I could also participate, but I will not go as ornate or elaborate, I would just look silly."

"I set the bar too high for you, that's okay," the prince smugly replied. 

Logan cleared his throat and revealed a new tie and logo, very similar to his outfit from before. "There. Nice simple logo change, clear and to the point."

"Hey, Logan!" Patton waved to the other bespectacled side, wearing a new logo and his onesie wrapped around his shoulders. "Matching logos!"

"That's... _very nice,_ Patton."

"Mine is a _heart_ with glasses."

" _Stealing my logo. No big deal,_ " the teacher seethed.

"What's going on with your cardigan?" Roman questioned.

"Is that your cat onesie?" The logical side interrogated.

"Maaaybe?" the empath coyly replied, pulling up a hood to reveal it was indeed his cat onesie.

"Ugh, that will _not_ suffice."

" _UGH! You never let me do anything fun!_ " Patton whined, untying the onesie sleeves.

"Figure it out, buddy, maybe something different for next time."

Tying his old cardigan around his neck, Patton called out to the emo. "Virgil, your turn!"

The anxious side refrained from shooting a glare Patton's way. The father-figure meant well, but... now all eyes were on him. "Oh, my goodness, do I have to? I mean, like, so many changes- I just told you my _name._ "

"No, no, you _don't_ have to, I just thought-"

"I, agh, I actually had this idea, but, like, it's a little out there. So, um..."

"Go ahead," Thomas encouraged. "I mean, if you don't like it, you can always change back."

Virgil sighed. Everyone else changed their outfits. Roman had even embraced the idea as entirely his own. No one would associate his change with the snake. "Well, alright, but um, before I do, I should probably confess that uh... " He appears in a ripped purple shirt with an elaborately designed purple patchwork hoodie. "I actually really dig the purple."

" _WHOAAAA-OOOAAAAA-AAAAA-_ "

"That _design...!"_

"Get on _his_ level," Thomas said to Roman.

Patton broke out into a coughing fit.

"You good, Patton?"

"I got overexcited..."

"Well, I will say this much, that is... _a jacket._ "

Virgil huffed amusedly. The teacher was downplaying his initial reaction just for him. How cute.

"That is... _magnificent..."_ Roman complimented, ringing a smile out of the emo, "...how you've managed to become even _angstier._ "

The anxious side's face fell. " _Oh-kay..._ "

"No, no, no, if that's what you want to uh... _rock,_ then you... _rock it, sir!_ " the prince backtracked. "Who needs a Hogwarts house when you have your own _hog-wild style..._ I don't even know what I'm saying anymore."

"Yeah, it is, uh, pretty _hog-wild..._ " He couldn't even say the words without snorting at how dumb they were.

"Wonderful," Logan acknowledged. "I hope that you feel a little bit more like a part of this group, Virgil."

The emo gave the logical side a sheepish look. "I- uh, I do."

"I'd say that we can call it a day if we're done swapping looks," Logan concluded, sinking out.

"And talking books," Roman shot back, sinking out as well.

The teacher reentered for the sole purpose of retorting: "I prefer reading on a nook."

The prince's response was similar: rising back up just to sink down again. "That response has me shook."

Patton sunk out, tapping his wrist. "Would you look at the time on the... _clook._ "

"Patton, the video is about doing your own thing. So- don't... do what they're doing-" Thomas called after the empath. " _Honestly..._ "

"So, are we gonna ever bring up to Roman that he clearly stole the idea to get new clothes from Deceit?" Virgil asked expectantly.

The man shrugged. "Eh, let him have this. Anyway, great new style, Virgil."

"Pfft. Thanks. Now I feel as big of a weirdo as the rest of these guys."

"That's good, _you fit right in!"_

"Ah, I saw what you did there, a nice little _"bring it around full circle."_ That was cute," the emo half-acknowledged-half-teased, sinking out like the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was super long and difficult to figure out. If this doesn't get comments, I'll be sad, I guess. :I

**Author's Note:**

> What used to be the third chapter of this work is now Arachne, the fourth part of the series. I hope this change does not cause too much confusion.


End file.
